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The Shy Lover


Passion is a major part of a romantic relationship. It keeps the fire burning in the relationship, keeps the partners longing for each other. In this, partners explore their pleasures and seek to make each other happy and satisfied.

So let's talk about the shy lover.. It may seem like they don't want or enjoy the pleasure or like they are giving mixed signals about what they want. They are like a puzzle you need to figure out and once the puzzle is figured out, it opens up a whole new world for both partners.
Let's figure out this puzzle together...

Lead

Take the lead with a shy lover, initiate the pleasure. A shy lover can't initiate, they are scared they wont do it right , weak in that moment, self conscious about how they are perceived. They think about it in their minds but are unable to execute. One may think they aren't interested but that really isn't the case. Once the bolder partner takes the lead, the shy counterpart is able to follow and pick the pace. They only have a problem initiating the pleasures. This means that even when changing up the pleasures, the bolder partner should be able to take the lead.

Listen to the NON-VERBAL cues

A shy lover cannot be able to say what they want in that moment. This doesn't mean they don't know what they want. They cant be able to put it into words at that moment, they feel embarrassed, fear and would rather just let things happen. They will however use subtle actions...so subtle you might actually miss them if you aren't keen... to express their desires.  For example, looking at your lips, sitting close to you indicates they want to kissed and held. Showing signs of resistance, pushing your hand away, moving their body away, a sad or emotionless face means they don't want whatevers being done or aren't quite feeling it. You can ask if they'd like something and watch how they react or lead and watch their reaction to it.

Create a CONNECTION

This is very important to a shy lover. They are only going to follow when led if they feel a connection. The connection starts at the point of initiation. This could start with having a deep conversation, touch..which could even just be of hands. The surest way of getting an intimate connection at a specific moment is looking into their eyes and holding the looks. This is like ringing a bell in their mind preparing them of what is to come. And during the pleasure it keeps them connected. Take pauses to look into their eyes, touch/caress them, you could also have small in between convos.

Be GENTLE

A shy lover is like a baby or a glass that is fragile and needs to be handled with care. They do not need to be rushed. Take your time with them when giving the pleasure until they give into it. A shy lover may take some time to open up to receive and give pleasure. They are reserved and scared of opening up, letting go, being free. In initiation, take it slow, slowly building up to it...giving them time to respond. They are able to slowly open up this way. When rushed or pressured they tend to withdraw, hold back and close off.

Make them COMFORTABLE

Ensure they are very comfortable. This could be as simple as how their body is positioned, their thoughts at that time. Make them feel like it's just you and them at that moment. Avoid phrases or mentions that take them out of that moment, strive to keep them in that space. Keep checking if they're comfortable, ask if they're okay and be keen coz they might not be able to say it so you might need to check the non-verbal cues.

Maintain TRUST

A shy lover is the most sensitive lover. They care a lot about how you perceive them, what you think of them. Pay attention to how you treat them, what you say in that moment. Once trust is broken, for a shy lover, that's it. They might not be able to recover from it. There will be a disconnect. Be honest with them, be cautious, respond to their questions and statements. With trust they are able to do more whereas in its absence they may tend to hold back, zone out and they won't really feel the pleasure no matter how good it is.

Make a MENTAL NOTE

Since a shy lover can't really communicate what they want or how they want it in that moment, be keen on what they say before or after. This could be in conversations you have. Text seems to be the way they best express themselves. You could ask them if they would like it if you did something to them, doing it a certain way or their thoughts on a certain pleasure and keep it in mind. During the moment be keen on how they react when you do a certain thing and note the things that they liked/enjoyed. If you're still not sure, ask afterwards how it was or how it made them feel, if they'd like it again... If the answer isn't quite a Yes then they probably didn't like/enjoy it. Make a mental note of all the things they like and that's what you get to do to them but that doesn't mean you can't keep testing other things.

SHOW them

A shy lover is scared of disappointing, not doing it right but at the same time they really want to please their partner. They need the  partner to guide them on pleasuring them also; give them a chance to please you. Talking about it before helps as it mentally prepares them for it. In the moment show them what you want them to do, this could be through; initiating it for example in kissing, Guiding their hands for example if you want them touching you somewhere. If they aren't quite doing it right, show them how to; gently touch them and guide them being careful not to lose the connection. Be sure to show them that you are enjoying something they are doing; you could whisper in their ear, intensify kisses or touch,  as this motivates them to keep doing it. Tell them that you liked it when they did a certain thing so they're more comfortable doing it the next time. As much as you're trying to show them, don't force them; If its starting to seem like you are forcing them then it means they aren't feeling it or comfortable with doing it.

Shy Lovers

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