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THE UNSPOKEN; Childlessness


Most people enter into marriages without knowing each other's fertility status , no one even thinks about this in the courtship stage.
They are either busy being in love with each other or focusing on getting married that they are not able to think about what happens next.
This therefore leads to divorces, infidelity, abusive or spiteful relationships where regret follows when they are confronted with the problem.

How do you avoid the situation altogether?..
  • In the courtship stage when things seem to be getting more serious, it's best to talk to your partner about the issue.
  •  Find out how they feel about kids and if they could handle being childless. Talk about what each of you would do in such a scenario and it's best to be as honest as possible with each other. Explore your options in the case this ever happens to you in the course of your marriage.
  • You should also both get examined by a doctor to determine your fertility status. You are able to make decisions as early as then in case one of the partners is either barren or impotent. This will help to avoid problems that might arise when the problem is discovered much later in the marriage.
What if it is too late and you are already long into the marriage when you discover this?..

Communication is KEY at this point because you need to address the situation with an open mind and in a civil manner. Whatever decision is made concerning the issue should be made TOGETHER and if you both can't handle it then you should consider bringing in a third party that is neutral and views the matter objectively.

So what's the procedure?..
  • You first need to figure out what and where the problem is. This involves going to a doctor together and getting checked so you both find out exactly what is causing the issue. This should be done together so that you are both facing the situation together at every stage.
  • After establishing the root of the issue, get to find out the possible solutions to the problem. Explore the options you have.
  • Decide if you are both willing to to give your available options a chance and which options you would like to try out. Keep in mind that if one partner is not into giving it a try  it won't work out. 
  • Here your options could be like; waiting on the Lord if it's from a religious perspective or trying different positions, foods, medication from a medical perspective and probably other psychic or traditional methods.
  • If you are both willing to give your options a try then patience is very important because it might take a while before you actually see results. So you need to keep encouraging each other and talking about how you are feeling so that you are able to move together.
  •  Let's say either one or both of the partners are unwilling to keep trying or have given up. You could consider adoption or for a more traditional approach, bringing in a third party e.g second wife who is able to bear children.
  • Marriage is "for better for worse" and "till death" so it's best to stick to your vows and try and make it work even if  it means you have to stay together childless till your old ages .
  • But on the other hand it might be causing more harm than good, you might be getting violent or ending up hating each other as a result of frustration. When it gets to this point it's best to part ways. 'If you love them you gotta be able to let them go.' 

This is a very critical issue and can really take a toll on a couple so it really needs to be handled well lest it destroy both partners.

Keep holding on 🤗








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